I Can't Quite Believe What Just Happened

I've been avoiding writing the final entry. But, maybe, just maybe it will give me that sense of closure. See, the reasoning behind not writing the last chapter is because I still have been holding onto the possibility that tomorrow I'll wake up and I'll be back in Ilam. The dishes will be dirty, beer caps will be strewn on the floor, it will most likely be raining, and I will be the happiest person on this Earth.

However, I know it's not the case. Contrary to popular belief, I am a rational being. That and Tommy posted his, which was that first push toward closure I needed.

I suppose, for lack of a better idea, I'll answer the questions suggested for "Returning" under the sub-section "What do I write" in the chapter titled "Journal Requirement" in my Pre-Departure Guide for Students (haha).

How does the media respond to different world events?
Um...don't really feel like answering this one. It doesn't quite fulfill the reflective/closure requirement.

What is the relationship between the US and your host country?
If relationships were to be analogous to food, America would be the side salad/vegetable and New Zealand would be the steak. That is, America isn't loved, but not hated; and it's necessary for the survival of the country. Without America, New Zealand would be incomplete. Obviously this is from a Kiwi perspective. From an American point of view, New Zealand is like that 1/4 teaspoon of salt you put in chocolate chip cookies (America being the cookies). Not at all noticed, tasted or appreciated, but without it, something would be missing (ie, another country supporting our so-called war).

What have you done that has made a significant difference in your life?
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Are you kidding me? Going to New Zealand made a significant difference in my life! But since this is supposed to be my closure...perhaps I should answer this question in a bit more detail.

Before I go into any sort of signficant detail, however, let me just defend my first answer to this question. I feel like a completely different person after coming back. I can't quite put words to it, but I feel different. Believe me.

Now for details.

I've learned how to live in the moment. Knowing that last semester was most likely the only time I could experience that much time in a foreign country, I got used to biting the bullet and doing whatever was thrown at me. I took time to take in all of my surroundings and see as much as the country as possible (without being too touristy of course). I did things I may not have been comfortable doing previously, such as rock climbing every weekend and going on trips with random people. The weekends I did stay indoors and/or Christchurch, I enjoyed for the simple reason that I got to know some great people, and learned to appreciate some down time.

I feel at lot more confident being on my own. Yes, this is the third time I've moved somewhere new in almost as many years, and yes, I knew a couple of people going, but I was far more independent. I had to physically go out and make friends at the beginning. For the first half of the semester, I had to study and learn all by myself, without any help from teachers and peers. I was able to go more than a couple of days without talking to my parents (although, now that I'm back, we talk everyday again!). I had to be able to manage my money in a foreign country, as well as deal with the bureaucracies of two big schools. I had to take care of myself when I was sick, comfort myself when I was heartbroken, and congratulate myself when something went well. Because even though I met some great people, many weren't as close as the friends I have here, and the ones that were, were, well boys. Not exactly the best candidates for cheering up a moody girl!

I actually feel like a real geology student now. Granted, this doesn't have a lot to do with studying abroad per say, but it happened while I was abroad, so I'll count it. Taking three geology classes nearly tripled my knowledge in the field, and helped me to further understand what I want to do with this seemingly broad major. Surprise twist: I ended up loving my geophysics class at the end of the semester. More the technique and and theory behind geophysical exploration than anything. And while it's generally used to find oil and other profitable deposits, it's also used in groundwater surveying and glacial studies. I figure something [environmentally] useful can be done with it-maybe one day I'll be a geophysicist!

I learned a lot about relationships. And yes, I mean the lovey-dovey kind. While it still holds true that many men in the world [in my age bracket] can be complete POS's (take term 1 to be a great example), there also a few decent guys out there. I was lucky to find one.

Other smaller differences include:
-Fish and chips will never be the same to me again.
-I can now go days sleeping on the ground and not showering.
-I continue to say -as after many adjectives.
-I FINALLY LOVE NEU'S CAMPUS!
-Tipping should be outlawed.
-It's ok to only own five shirts.
-Geologists are inherently better at reading maps than the average person.
-Wireless internet is the best thing ever.
-Living with girls is overrated.
-It's hard to be a creative cook.
-It's possible to get sick of Indian/Thai food.
-I am so glad to be back in a real city. But just as sad to not have the beauty of NZ as accessible as it was.
-Utah is still the best place to ski in the entire world.
-Beer should be served in all cinemas. In fact, every movie theater in the US should model themselves after NZ's.
-If you can't find anywhere to sleep, sleep in the van!
-Sometimes you'll get lost doing field work. But it's ok because you will always find your way back. And in the long run, it makes for a funny story.

To answer this question one other way, the most significant thing I did while in New Zealand was spontaneously going on a three-week trip with three boys I had never before met. Carsten, Tommy and Ryan became my closest friends and the trip was a once in a lifetime adventure. We saw New Zealand the way it is supposed to be seen: on our own time, and our own way. We stopped where we wanted to stop, hiked what we wanted to hike, skipped what we wanted to skip, and ate what we wanted to eat. We stayed extra nights if we felt the need, and left other places early. Being my mother's daughter, I was never one to fly by the seat of my pants, which is exactly what we did. And it. Was. AWESOME! It by far made the most significant difference in my life, because the second half of the semester is a result of meeting those boys. And though we're all far away from each other now, I feel like our friendships will last a lifetime (wa wa corny, I know...but so true!)



Well, there are still a couple of more questions unanswered, however I don't feel the need to go into them. I have basically answered them in the previous ones. And I also feel like I am filling out a survey. Not the mood I was going for.

I'm still not getting that sense of closure I was going for. Who knows if I ever will? I feel like I won't. At least for now. But time is supposed to heal everything, right? It was the most fun I have ever had, and I can't believe it's over. I truely can't. Even now, looking out of my window in Boston, I feel like I can easily walk out my door, and in a couple of seconds be at Tommy's and Carsten's to make dinner and watch Friends. However it's time to move on. So this is it.

Goodbye New Zealand!